Washington, DC - Still reeling from the reports of Senator Ted Kennedy’s brain tumor diagnosis, many U.S. officials were stunned to learn that Winston Smith, big-time Kinist and co-host of The Political Cesspool, had sustained a stroke. Senators took to the dais to offer their condolences to Smith, and to recount their dealings and relationships with him.

“I’ll never forget how, when I would say something stupid, my friend Winston would get that look wonderfully endearing look of beffudlement of his and say, “Dude, what is your damage?” said Arlen Specter.

Former Ku Klux Klan member and dottering fool Robert Byrd said, “Bubb wo hujh Winon, I shoo wisk a dirch on kestnub. Do commo to yodrigol as mut be!”
In the House, some representatives were suspicious of the timing of other news items. Rep. John Conyers (D-MI) and Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA) told Faux News that concurrent reports of actor James Garner suffering a stroke were cause for a full congressional investigation.

“I just think it’s a little too coincidental that Mssrs. Garner and Smith had a stroke at precisely the same time,” Conyers said. “I think we’re justified in suspecting that ‘Winston Smith’ is actually James Garner, and it should be looked into as soon as possible.”

“I agree with my colleague,” added Rep. Waxman. “This smells like the same kind of hoax being prepetrated by the singer Lee Greenwood. Every time Greenwood decides he needs some money, he goes out and cooks up a mess of trouble, and voila! Radios everywhere start blaring ‘God Bless the USA’.

Both men agreed that though Mr. Greenwood has been able to elude justice, Mr. Smith/Garner will not have such an easy time of it.

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